Lost Between Old You and Mom You? How to Rediscover Yourself as a Mom
Navigating the Liminal Stage of Motherhood: Embracing Change and Self-Discovery
The transition back to work after maternity leave marks a significant shift in a mother’s journey. It’s a time of mixed emotions—excitement for the return to routine and personal pursuits, yet nostalgia for the newborn stage that is now in the past. This shift is a key part of matrescence, the psychological and emotional transition into motherhood, where personal identity undergoes profound change.
Understanding the Liminal Stage of Motherhood
The liminal stage refers to the in-between phase where one version of self has faded, but the new version has yet to fully emerge. Many mothers experience this when transitioning back to work, adjusting to a new routine, or realizing that their pre-motherhood identity no longer fully fits.
In matricentric theory, this stage is often accompanied by grief—not in the sense of loss through death, but in the acknowledgment that a particular phase of life has ended. For many mothers, the end of maternity leave signifies the last moments of full-time caregiving, the final newborn milestones, and a shift towards a new way of balancing work and family life.
Reframing the Feeling of Being Lost
Feeling lost in motherhood is a common experience, but it doesn’t have to be negative. Instead of resisting change, mothers can reframe this uncertainty as an opportunity for self-discovery. This period can be an invitation to:
Explore new identities: Try new routines, hobbies, and perspectives that align with the evolving sense of self.
Embrace curiosity: View this transition as an adventure rather than a challenge.
Allow space for grief: Recognizing and honoring the emotions tied to change can help ease the transition.
How to Navigate the Transition
If you’re in the midst of this change—returning to work, shifting roles in motherhood, or simply feeling like your old self no longer fits—consider these steps to ease the transition:
Acknowledge the Grief: It’s natural to feel emotional when closing a chapter of life. Allow yourself to process these emotions rather than suppressing them.
Identify Your Core Values: What aspects of your identity remain strong? Holding onto these can provide stability during change.
Experiment with New Routines: Explore new ways to integrate self-care, hobbies, and professional aspirations into your daily life.
Seek Support: Whether it’s from a partner, community, or professional coach, finding guidance can help smooth the transition.
Release External Expectations: Ask yourself if you are holding onto old identities out of habit or societal pressure. Adjusting to motherhood on your own terms is key.
Trust the Process: Change is inevitable, and eventually, a new version of yourself will take shape—often in unexpected but fulfilling ways.
Embracing Wanderlust in Motherhood
Instead of fearing the unknown, consider approaching this transition with a sense of wanderlust—the excitement of exploring uncharted territory. Just as travelers embrace new experiences with an open mind, mothers can find joy in discovering who they are becoming.
The transition between maternity leave and working motherhood is not just about returning to a job—it’s about stepping into a new version of oneself. This stage is temporary, but the personal growth it fosters is long-lasting. By embracing the liminal phase with openness and curiosity, mothers can navigate this transition with confidence and emerge with a renewed sense of self.
Final Thoughts
Matrescence is not a one-time transformation but an ongoing evolution. The journey through the liminal stage may feel uncertain, but it is also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Trust that the new version of yourself is unfolding, and she is worth the wait.